


Almost

by reginanicolecky



Category: mono. - Kim Namjoon | RM (Album), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - After College/University, Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, Past Relationship(s), Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:27:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27384184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reginanicolecky/pseuds/reginanicolecky
Summary: Is an 'almost' would be enough to bring start what didn't happen in the past? It's a long due when Park Elle decided to answer and Kim Namjoon decided to make the call.
Relationships: Kim Namjoon | RM/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 2





	Almost

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there, any love would be appreciated. It is something that I write just because it stuck for kind of a long time and I somehow want to write about Namjoon. So, enjoy I guess :)

Elle stares at the screen of her mobile phone. Annoyed with the constant ringing by an unknown set of numbers. It is currently two in the morning, and she is finally able to take a short walk after a long crunching for a deadline report. It isn’t hard to ignore it, if it is really important, it would either ring again or the person would know if they could contact her through email. So she does exactly just that.

Elle is giggling when she noticed the rooftop’s swimming pool in the hotel, as it is quite a nice touch. She put her device aside before dropping her legs into the bubbling water, feeling glad that the hot tub was still on. It would be nice to dip more than her cold feet, but she isn’t ready to walk around butt naked in the unfamiliar space. Looking up, she welcomes the darkness that engulfed her. The sky in Seoul isn’t bright with stars like Melbourne, but the buzz and the lights died slower than in the other country. 

Still. It isn’t exactly the time for normal people to socialise. A solitude night, exactly the way she likes it. The silence helped her to think out loud. She never considered herself as a runaway, but coming back to the country of her birth makes her realise that she isn’t ready. She left a lot of unfinished business, an unopened can of worms that she thought would just vanish when buried deep to be forgotten.

At 28, Elle is used to analysing her own feelings from every angle. Not knowing the reason actually made her itch. A person could spend a lifetime learning how to love herself, and she couldn’t start unless she is able to understand herself first.

The same sequences of numbers. One without a name. 

With two hours difference between the cities, it would be impossible for someone from the other country to contact her either. Moreover, looking at the number, it is a local one. Well, why not?

“This is Park Elle, who am I speaking with?”

“It is Kim…”

“Kim Namjoon,” she finished the sentence, knowing for sure the owner of the voice. “It has been…”

“... six years. A long time.”

A lifetime ago in the lass’s point of view. Though, it isn’t hard for a flashback to pass upon her eyes. A tall man, with prominent dimples. A pioneer in some way. One that she couldn’t decide at that time whether to become a rival or a partner. Some people have that effect on others, being remembered like a crystal clear, even when they are two worlds apart. Before and now. 

“I didn’t know that you have my number.”

“I did not until a week ago. Saw your contact in the reunion list. It is a rare sight. I didn’t know you would be able to guess just by hearing my voice.”

True. An impossibility back then. A cautious one that she made. However, this time, it was more like a carefully managed coincidence, her parents asked her to come back for another reason, and she decided out of nowhere to roll her name in when seeing the announcement on their university’s website. She thought if it was about time after years of painfully not keeping any contact, hiding her social media with anyone from her past.

As for the voice. Elle wouldn’t admit that indeed she shouldn’t be able to point out without actually keeping some sort of a record in the back of her mind. The deep voice, the hick at the beginning of the sentence like he would be ready to defend his opinion but too polite to start the argument unless invited. A small excitement, one that she could distinct when they started to speak with each other.

“I see… but why the sudden call?”

“I think I will regret it if I don’t grab a chance to say it. It might be another 6 years.”

“So funny, Kim Namjoon. We aren’t that close so you could make a joke at this hour.”

“Still not fond of small talk apparently.”

“I don’t remember you were liking one either.”

Elle isn’t trying to be rude. Stating the truth for the obvious reasons is more of her style to combat any uncertainty. Other than being classmates, Park Elle and Kim Namjoon were never on the same radar. Both were known in different aspects, hanging out with different circles of friends. So similar yet so separated. There is no such thing as a friendly call between two detached adults in this deep of the night.

Unless….

“Do you remember that one time we were on the same team?”

"The second year? For the debate?"

Funny that she still has the memories without flaws. In how for once, she didn't think Kim Namjoon was there just to mark the space with his appearance. The quiet one always has a strong presence. They were compatible. Two that somehow could read the intention of the others and find the same logic on many arguments. It was an amazing time. It also didn’t last.

"We almost kiss."

It was probably lusts. Or the curiosity of youngsters trying to make some sense in the interaction. There wasn't much intention from her side. Or that's how she believes in. It could happen. They were spending 3 months together without any barrier for the first time. Between the pressure of the competition and the initial attraction. Well, they stopped it before it was too late anyway, so why bother now?

It is good that she doesn’t have a habit of mumbling or blurting out the first thought in her mind. Living for this long taught her that having a ‘what if’ doesn’t mean much anymore. Any hesitation would act as a trigger like blood in front of a shark. And Kim Nam Joon has a sharp mind.

“Elle?”

“Surely, I’m not your only almost.”

The conversation wouldn't have happened if they did the deed.

“Elle, are you trying to diminish our past?”

“Your past. It came from your perception only. We might remember different things, interpret different meanings.”

“I never feel the same way with anyone else.”

“Joon. Don’t.”

A warning. For both.

“I love you. I regret that I didn’t say that much earlier.”

“How?”

“Such a typical Elle. You do need a reason.” A husky laugh. Would be offensive if it is one mixed with cigarettes and alcohol, but Kim Namjoon always has the same sound of grinning. “Your mind was beautiful, and the way you never have the need to fake anything just to please others. Just to please me. You can’t deny the way our minds challenged each other was intriguing.”

“You know that wasn’t my reason for asking, but…” She let out a long sigh. How to break down everything in a gentle way? “You are looking at our past with rosy glasses. There is no way you could love me for that long even not knowing how much I change as a person. And even then, it was only a fleeting moment.”

“Interesting. Why are you doubting my feelings towards you?”

The damn man had a question for everything. And she needed to push down the annoyance and amusement which bubbled up. This is not an intellectual challenge that she is supposed to engage for the sake of it. The cause wouldn’t change the result, no matter what.

“Thank you, if it was and is true. It would add up to one nice touch about this city.”

“And that’s all?”

"It’s too late anyway for us. I saw the invitation, Joon."

Or the electronic version of it at least. It didn’t change what was written and announced to the world where she isn’t within. 

"So because of Eunhae. If it is someone else, would you consider to include me in your plan of running away?"

“No, I’m not someone who starts just to end.”

The name was finally spoken. It wasn’t a surprise that they ended up together. The girl wasn’t afraid to use her popularity to warn off any potential challengers. A petty moved, but nevertheless, an efficient one considering Eunhae secured enough leverage in the whole circle. Good for her, though, she knew what she wanted, coming from knowing Namjoon first, while Elle didn’t even know whether she wanted to be bothered to try or not.

“Is it just a wedding’s jittery talking or you are planning to have one last fling before the big day?”

“You know I wouldn’t regard you just as such. It should be you, Elle. She was a pale comparison.”

"She loves you for long. If I could see it you wouldn’t be too dense to pretend you didn’t know it. You accepted her for whatever reason.”

Even when there was nothing between them, she noticed that one fact. How wouldn’t she if she was reminded for so many years? Park Elle was running away from a probable drama, didn’t want to get involved as a protagonist, or perhaps the antagonist in someone else’s story. Yet, she was caught by the edge and needed to let go before starting anything. It wasn’t her first to give up a chance, it shouldn’t itch this bad when the scar is being poked.

Though, it is strange that with this one call, she pity the one who hated her for their entire interactions. A bitter win, unnecessary advisory in her past long dented pride. 

"But you are the one who I love. I thought I would never see you again."

Yet, would a question of searching be appropriate in this case? Elle doesn’t want to know, or more like doesn’t need to hear the excuses. After all, she vanished, not dead. There is nothing to blame when there is nothing in between.

“Kim Namjoon-ssi. I don’t doubt that you might feel that way, but you didn’t fight for me before, now I don’t want you to fight for me, I know I wouldn’t.”

“Oh, so we're going back at being formal?”

“We are nothing but that.”

“It would be petty if you wouldn’t admit that there would be a time you wondered the same thing.”

Silence is an answer too. For the man who was a loner yet, people would hang around his speech. A leader born who was only taking the reign when no one else wanted it. For him who knows the paused ‘yes’ without explaining why it couldn’t be the answer now.

“Are you afraid that she does what she did before? I didn’t know, Elle. I swear I didn’t know. If you came to me when she did that.”

“It wouldn’t change anything even if you did.” Elle cut out the words since hearing something that she didn’t wish for would just ruin everything, “I didn’t wait for you not because you couldn’t help me, it was because it was mine to fix. She hated me, and you were not the only excuse for it. I don’t think the sentiment ever changed.”

“But if I can protect you now?”

Bullied. Excluded. She could say all of those words in the past tense. As painful as it was, Elle left those behind. When she stood tall before, why would she crouch just because someone is ready to offer a shield now?

“You still don’t get it. I don’t need it. The reason why I didn’t approach you wasn’t because of her.” It isn’t as bad as desperation, but close enough. Somehow, his stubbornness scrapped her temper and shattered the one image that she had. “True, Eunhae wanted you more than me, but I didn’t pursue you either because I wanted something else at that time, at this time too. I didn’t treat you as an option before, I wouldn’t let you treat me as one now.”

“So all of this confession doesn’t mean anything to you? 

“You should stop after I said thanks. Whether you love me or you miss me, doesn’t always mean that you have to choose me. Or me to choose you.”

There is a limit at the end of her sentence. It is final from her side whether he could or would accept it or not. Elle wanted it all to be one big gag, but knowing Kim Namjoon, he isn’t someone who would say any of it without much thinking in his part. There is this version of alternate universe where he would drop everything for her. Such a prize, but at what cost?

“Will you still come to the reunion?”

“I will.”

“I will see you there.”

“You will.”

“And at my wedding?”

“It would be a stretch too far, right? For me, for you and for her. I wouldn’t be in town anyway.”

Or she would make sure that their path wouldn’t cross each other. Elle would be the one who is running. Again. But perhaps, not so much to avoid, but to aim for something which is a far stretch from the past.

“And Joon, please don’t call me again. I have someone else. One who chased after me at the given chance rather than leaving it rotten as a nice memory. There are six years. You have your ideal, but this my last lesson for you to let go.”

The wish for the kiss, for something better than a case of the get away might linger.

But not all wish too need to come true.


End file.
